Stepdad raised her 15 yrs—now bio dad’s child support goes to her, not us. Wrong to be pissed?

J

JelloPalladium

New Member
Hey bros, sorry for staying anonymo us, but I’ve got family on here and I know this’ll get back to the bride. I’ve raised her daughter since she was 5. Her deadbeat dad bailed when she was a baby, and I’ve supported her and her mom from day one. Occasionally the dad was forced to pay child support, but the last time was like 7 years ago. So obviously, it’s been me paying for everything. Well, apparently he must’ve been forced to pay again bc my wife showed me a payment. I can’t even see it—I ask where it is, and it’s in another account, going straight to the daughter. We’re already in a financial hole. We’ve scrimped and saved to buy her first car, a laptop for her HSC, and just everyday life stuff. That money would help us so much. Am I being unreasonable for getting pissed about this? Tbh, I’ve got zero regrets about supporting my daughter, but this feels like a slap in the face. I’ve never kept money from my wife, btw.
 
I decided to go anonymous for this reply I don't usually do that, but just in case someone out there recognizes me.

We’re in a pretty similar boat. I’ve been in my daughter’s life since she was 3. Her bio dad has popped in and out over the years, but honestly, my partner has never gotten any child support from him. Early on, Child Support said it would be something like $7 a week basically nothing since her dad’s a junkie and never really worked. We just let it go because dealing with it would’ve caused way more trouble than it was worth. Seven bucks a week just isn’t worth the drama.

Then, about a year ago, out of the blue, the bio dad gave my partner $1,000 to help out with our daughter, and he gave our daughter a couple of grand to put toward a car.

I’m staying out of it my partner made the call to pass that money on to,our daughter to help her get a car.

I’m keeping my nose out of it because honestly, that money should go straight to our daughter to give her a hand.
 
And maybe you've been too good to them, but they've been taking you for granted. Or it's possible you need to put aside some money for yourself, and let them take up a bit of slack for once, and stop letting all financial burden fall on your shoulders alone because thats not how the world works anymore. And also you never get away without paying some amount of child support, but the minimum for someone with zero income would be like $23 a week. And you should also make sure you have the myGov app on your phone, and get all your accounts hooked up to it to make sure your getting the family tax Benefits paid out as well.
 
Just be straight up and tell your mate you're not feeling good about things. Honestly, it sounds like a backup plan to me. Iff she gets all defensive when you ask to see the account, that's a major red flag, and you should take it as a warning sign. Someone with nothing to hide would be totally open about it and wouldn't mind showing you. She might also have some serious trust issues herself, so have a real, honest talk with her.
 
You've put in so much. You've clearly been a good dad and done what's right. Your head is saying to walk away, but you've been at this for so long your heart just won't let go. Honestly, the best advice you can get is the advice you'd give to yourself.
 
I'd be wondering if it's been paid the whole time and she just didn't tell you seems kind of odd that it only shows up in pieces, unless he only works like every seven years.
 
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