How do I leave an abusive relationship & protect my house deposit?

L

lifeforward

New Member
De facto separation

Good evening, everyone. It has taken every ounce of courage I have to finally make this post and ask for your advice or guidance. I am 26 years old, and for the last two years of our five-year relationship, I have been enduring mental and verbal abuse from my partner. In the beginning, it was small things—little outbursts over tiny issues and the occasional cutting remark. I have this awful habit of avoiding conflict and arguments because I just can't bear the stress, but now I'm scared that my refusal to fight back has let things get this bad. We bought our first house a little over a year ago, and since then, everything has fallen apart, shattering my mental health. For so long, I tried to laugh it off, to pretend I didn't hear the words, but I can't take it anymore. We don't have children, and we split the house deposit roughhly 60-40. I don't want to ruin her—I'm not trying to take everything; I just want, in a perfect world, to walk away with what I put in. I have recorded videos on my phone of the yelling and screaming.

If anyone has any guidance or advice, I would be so incredibly grateful.

Thank you.
 
Rip the bandaid off quickly.

Even if you lose everything financially, your mental health will improve. Lean on your family and support network. Hire a solicitor and only communicate through them once the process begins.
 
Hey, that's really tough to hear. Honestly, get a lawyer right away. It really helps if you’re the one who takes the lead and puts your side forward first, rather than waiting to defend against what someone else says. Just speaking from what I've seen, stepping up like that can make a big difference.
 
Hey, I went through almost the exact same thing, so it's wild reading our story. I'm also in my early 20s just didn't have the house part. We were together for six and a half years. My advice? Get your finances sorted and end it as soon as you can. It really won't get any better from here. I’d talk to family like your parents or your friends, whoever you're close with, and just open up so they can help you sort everything out. That way, you can't keep putting it off or dragging your feet. It’s been six months for me now, and I don’t regret it at all. Good luck, mate.
 
Your life and future with your partner matter most. If you can't see a future, end it. Sort your life out. Learn from it. Become your best self. Money is just money. Avoid lawyers no one wins. Negotiate fairly. Aim for 50% or your share. Keep conversations civil and courteous. Don't blame. Say you're sorry it didn't work. Wish her the best. Good luck.
 
Once she finds out you want to split and divide the assets… she will continue to use her abusive tactics and more than likely say to police you were abusing her… to get you out of the house.
You can apply for an intervention order that will still allow her in the house. If she continues to yell and threaten you it can be escalated. I think… you need to have the upper hand in this situation to protect yourself.
 
Mate, listen up this is serious. You’ve got proof of domestic abuse. If there are texts with threats, that’s evidence too, btw. You need to get a lawyer, then have them help you get cops there so you can grab your stuff safely. After that, get the restraining order sorted it lasts at least 2 years.

Just so you know, if youu file the restraining order first, you can't go back for your things. In that case, you’ll have to get your stuff when they take her in after you show your evidence.

It’s a lot to think about, but imo, your first move should be getting your stuff out ASAP. Find a lawyer, then make the AVO official.

Oh, and heads up she gets to share evidence too, and you might have to go through the same custody process. Nvm, you’ll have your lawyer by then, tbh.
 
As everyone has mentioned, it’s probably best to get out of there.

Since it’s your first year as homeowners, you likely haven’t built up a ton of equity yet.

I’d suggest telling your partner it’s over and that you’ll need to sell the house, or have one person buy the other out.

If she doesn’t agree, you might need to talk to a solicitor and push for a forced sale.

Trying to hold onto the house together after breaking up just isn’t a good idea it’ll go round in circles and get even messier when one of you starts seeing someone new.

At this point, it’s better to take the financial hit and move forward with your life.
 
Biggest issue. Mortgage not paid. While you work through property settlement.

Whatever you do. Make sure mortgage keeps getting paid. Or. Just get the house on the market. Sell it. Deal with the proceeds as part of the divorce.

See a solicitor. One specializing in family law. Motivated. Pragmatic.

You've been in for two years. Hold your breath. Hold your cool. Going through this situation. You're young. You can recover. Quick.
 
Report her abuse. As a DV victim, WRITE everything down in a diary. Get witnesses to the ongoing abuse. Get out ASAP. NO child should deal with it when you leave.
Zero make up sex. Get great legal advice.
 
You absolutely must consult a lawyer with your evidence before speaking to her about splitting up. If you don’t, she will definitely cry wolf to the police, and you’ll be slapped with a bogus DV charge because she's already proven she’ll lie before you get help.
 
You absolutely must hire a solicitor and don't settle for anything less than a top tier Sydney firm that dominates this specific area of law. My male friends in identical situations swear by this firm nationwide, and their team is exceptional, particularly that senior associate. I exclusively work with the best, and this firm delivers results without exploiting clients they are completely honest. This isn't just a suggestion; it's essential you contact them immediately.
 
Hey, I just wanna say it’s pretty amazing that you had the courage and strength to get out of a toxic relationship. And honestly, it’s even better there aren’t any kids in the picture.
 
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